Sunday 3 February 2013

One lump or two?

Hi there. It has been a while. I have been a busy bee since my last post and have much to report so sit back, and feel my pain.

So last week I was very excited because I had two days temporary work and I haven't worked for over two years now so that was just brilliant. On my first day I awoke with a spring in my step, showered and dressed in my most suitable office attire and set off in to the unknown. One hour later, I found myself outside a depot in 'Some place near me' called 'A name that is a first name' Sykes, a place that provides things I cannot name because someone might get me into trouble. It was slightly less glamorous than I'd anticipated but I put this to the back of my mind and went in...

Things were going fine. The office team was made up of no more six people and they seemed to be like a little family, all having been there for many years. I had answered a few calls and successfully transferred them and as I was only going to be there for a couple of days, the fact it was boring didn't really bother me. But as the minutes ticked and I sat there in silence, my undiagnosed tourettes started to rear it's ugly head. Oh my god, my brain was off. 'Something' Sykes? Two first names! Oh shit, I'm going to answer the phone and say 'Good morning, Bill Sykes...'! Damn it, stop thinking Ashley! Panic took over and I needed to do something before it got too much and the phone rang again! I frantically grabbed a post-it and wrote 'SOMETHING I CANNOT SAY FOR LEGAL REASONS' SYKES' on it and stuck it to the phone. Phew! I made it. Disaster and embarrassing moment averted. I smiled to myself and swivelled on my chair feeling great appreciation for my quick thinking. SCREW YOU TOURETTES! LOSER! And with that, the day passed quite quickly and I managed to complete my first day back in the working world, unscathed.

The next day was pretty much the same really, although I was starting to notice a few things that, had I been there as a permanent member of staff, would definitely cause some issues. For example, it became apparent that these people only drank tea when I made it, and the swearing from almost everyone in the building would've given a Squaddie a run for his money! Still, no bother, with the blink of an eye, my two days were up, so I spent the weekend with my family safe in the knowledge that I was employable and definitely ready for work.

Monday afternoon brought a call from the job agency. Apparently my services were required once more for the next couple of days so was I happy to go back? Of course I was! Cha-ching!! So I arrived the following day slightly more confident as I now knew these people. For the next couple of days I got on with the job at hand and continued to make tea and go to lunch at 12 as no one else wanted this slot. Then the Big Man called me into his office and threw a curve ball! He only went and asked me if I'd like to continue working there as a temp and perhaps go permanent! Surely this was too easy?? I was unsure but agreed to 'give it go'. I would have to test these people.

Thursday morning, I entered the office with what one might describe as 'swag'. If there was a possibility of me being part of this company, I needed to know that I'd fit in. I was ready to peal off the next layer of my onion and show then what was underneath...

First things first. I needed to let them know that I was to be regarded as equal and there was only one way to do this. I refused to say the words they had  all become accustomed too, so by half past ten, not one person had had a cup of tea. That's two whole hours in to the day! It amazed me! It was fine yesterday when  I was just a faceless temp but not now I'd basically been offered a job! It was only a matter of time that my tea making skills would be required but this mental tug of war would continue another half hour or so. It was the administrator who was stupid enough to say, 'Oooh, you know what Ashley? I think everyone could do with a cup of tea...?' she smiled sweetly.
'Is that so?' I said smiling equally as sweet. 'Funny because I was actually wondering when I might be offered a cup of tea?' I raised an eyebrow so she knew I meant business. This was taking the absolute piss!
'TEA?' said one person. 'Oooh yes please!' With that, drawers were pulled open and frantic hands were searching for apparently dust covered mugs. I stood there in disbelief. Before I knew it, I'd taken a deep breath, broadened my shoulders, placed my hands on my hips and stated 'I cannot believe this. You LAZY lot. I have been waiting all morning to see if one of you would make me a cup of tea!' One by one, they hung their head in shame. I went over to collect the awaiting mugs and tutted with each retrieval. Bloody cheek of it! I reluctantly went off to make the most watery, crap, tea ever and handed them out to the sloths. First test: FAILED.

11:45. I heard mutterings of lunch talk. 'So, what's going on with lunch?' I said, with not a trace of harbouring annoyance from the tea incident.
'Well' said the oldest member of the team, 'If we cover the phones. So you go at 12 and I go at 1.'
'Errr yeah, I don't really fancy 12 today. It makes the afternoon really long you see and I've been at 12 every day, including last week so I'd rather go at one.'
She gave me the death stare. It hurt. 'Well I'm going at 1.' she replied. And with that she swivelled around on her chair and said nothing more about it. FAILED!

Now let me explain. I didn't actually care about making the tea, or about going to lunch at 12. My issue was being treated like I didn't count. If someone had offered me tea, I probably would said not to worry I'll make it. And if they had asked me what lunch I'd like, I would have said 12 to show that I'm considerate. The problem was, these people weren't like that and I'd found that out with two very easy steps. Well done Ash, pat on the back. I'd saved myself some time there.

At 1 o'clock, I asked the Big Man if I could have a few minutes of his time and being quite a nice man he agreed. I broke the news that this position was not one I would be accepting and my reasons why. 'I'm not a tea lady.' I stated. But I was however willing to cover until he found someone else and if it wasn't for the fact that they were expecting me to stay on as permanent, I wouldn't have cared! Truly. So at 4 pm I left that office and doubt very much I shall return.

Oh well, no point in pretending to something I'm not and I am definitely not a push over.

Lets see what next week brings...

Happy Chops x











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