Day 21... Turn that frown, upside down.

On Saturday I had 3 glasses of wine and half a beer. I failed step 1.

For the past week and a bit I have been a bit REALLY moody. Everything and everyone is getting on my nerves, so I am feeling very negative which is not helping my 'Happiness' cause. I thought that perhaps I had been too hard on myself and that the decision to be teetotal was both boring and unnecessary self torture so i got stuck in and attempted to drown my sorrows. I am glad to say, all this impromptu moment of freedom did was reinforce that I had made the correct decision and that drinking and smoking is no longer on my 'to do' list. It also didn't erase the things that are making me crazy with frustration these days. I'll give you a few examples of what these are and perhaps you'll understand the severity of my problem.

1. My children are still not listening to me - see Day 15 - Bloody Kids entry for more details.
2. I do not have a car which means I cannot do the things I'd like to do. i.e. Run away to the circus. Running around with midgets and furry people makes much more sense to me than banging my head against a brick wall.
3. My husband is way to positive and enthusiastic about EVERYTHING!
4. I cannot find a job.
5. Some recruitment consultants are suffering from delusions of superiority. 
6. I am negative and moody.
7. I want to hurt my husband when he breathes in an annoying manner i.e. in through the nose and out through the mouth. Try it. You'll see that when you breathe out, the tongue creates an anger inducing clicking noise as it is forced away from the roof of your mouth...? It is this which made me seriously consider coving his face with a pillow the other night. 
8. I despise the snow. 
9. Bus drivers have a death wish and want to take all passengers with them.
10. I hate karma. I punched Charlie in the arm and I suffered and sprained wrist! He said it was the weakest punch he's ever received.
11. I have realised that some people like to take what you have told them in confidence and then use it against you as a tool to make themselves feel better. Who needs enemies...

So as you can see, there are a substantial amount of annoyances I am being subjected to at the moment and those are just the tip of the iceberg. I'm well aware that this frame of mind is not exactly the most productive one to be in and I'm hoping that once I have got it all out of my system, it will go away and be replaced with love, tranquillity and progression.

Needless to say, I have not really had the time to sit and think about my good qualities this week. Being miserable is hard work you know! I did however, ask Emily what she liked about me and this is how it went.

'Emz, what do you like about me?' I tried to make it as casual sounding as possible so as not to rile her by making her think was some kind of test.

'Errrrr...' Yes? YES???? She was obviously trying to organise the many qualities that had flooded her mind. 'You're funny....You're SOMEtimes kind.'

'SOMETIMES??? What do you mean SOMETIMES??? I'm always kind! God, you're so ungrateful! Go on.'

She continued 'You can kiiind of sing, and you can kiiind of dance but you're still entertaining.... soooooo... I know! You're exactly like Rylan!!' I stood there in shock. I could not believe what I'd just heard. I looked at her and a single tear rolled down my cheek. 

'Emily. That is... the NICEST thing you have EVER said to me! I love Rylan!!' We hugged and laughed and for the next  five minutes we shared a brief interval of mutual respect and love for one and other. She is a true intellect. 

This conversation was the highlight of my week. Everything else was just annoying...

What am I saying??! Of course it wasn't the best part of my week, jeez! I found Max a nursery which he will be going to a couple of days a week. He was so excited when he saw all the children he will get to play with! I've booked a holiday and I haven't been away for two years! My husband has stood by me and listened to me rant and rave about how unfair life is and he still wants to climb into bed with me every night and tells me that everything is going to be fine! He let me have the day to myself on Saturday, made me a gorgeous dinner every night this weekend and brought me a cup of tea while I had a long soak in the tub! What am I on about, 'everything else was annoying', it's ridiculous! What an ungrateful person I am. I deserve a punch in the face! Right, that's it. No more feeling sorry for myself, I'm fighting back! Grab the bull by the horns Ashley and take him down! I'm going to get dressed, get some slap on, fight through the snow that has been sent to test me and go and meet that cow face recruitment consultant and show her what I'm made of. Lets do this.

Happy Chops x